Underwater Breathing Mask - Totally Absurd

How long can you hold your breath? Would you like to do a little underwater sightseeing but find bobbing to the surface for air every thirty seconds too annoying? Well your prayers have been answered with the "Underwater Re-breathing Mask"! Patented in 1949, this invention provides a simple, inexpensive, lightweight and leak proof mask that allows you to "re-breath" your air underwater. The mask attaches to your face. A nose piece fits over your beak and contains a passageway to the re-breathing bags mounted on the sides of your face. The eye holes are covered with glass for optimal visual pleasure.

Just gulp some air while you're on the surface. When you slip underwater, you breathe through your nose, into and out of the re-breathing bags. Enjoy the sites. Take your time but eventually you will run out of air. The inventor suggests this will take about a minute and a half. Of special note from the inventor: make sure to secure the chin strap (#11) to prevent the cheek bags from flapping and fluttering and absolutely, positively keep your mouth closed!