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The Playboy Advisor

I am a reasonably attractive male, 20 years old. I recently went through what was for me a very emotional ordeal. About a year ago, I met a very attractive Oriental girl. We went out a couple of times. Eventually, we went to bed. I really enjoyed myself with her. After going with her for a while, I moved in with her. Everything was going great. I was really interested in marrying her. One day, while she was at work, I had the day off. I was bored. So I got snoopy and started to go through some old pictures of hers that she had stuffed into a box in the back of the closet. I ran across an envelope, on the cover of which was the name of a major reconstructive-surgery clinic. I opened it and found documents of name changes, Social Security-number changes, work records and birth certificates. What it came down to was: The girl I had fallen in love with had had a sex-change operation. It was a tremendous emotional blow to me. I didn't know what to do. I didn't let her know that I knew about it. Gradually, I enjoyed sex less and less with her. I left her, needless to say. Since then, I haven't been to bed with any girl. I almost find it hard to talk with one. Is it wrong for me to think so badly of her? I just don't understand. I'm afraid it has left an emotional scar for life. Is there any way for me to get over this?

-- C.H., Denver, Colorado

Life, as the man says, can be a bitch. And silence can be a breeding ground for pain and confusion. Maybe you should at least talk this over with your friend. Maybe not. Although the facts of this situation border on the bizarre, the basic problem is the same with any breakup. It used to be said that the only cure for a woman was another women. We're not sure that applies here, but it's the best shot we've got. When a relationship disintegrates, you should go out and have an affair or four or five. You need to liberate your own sexuality from the details of the immediate past, to assure yourself that your arousal is not dependent on your former partner. As the years pass, you'll look back on this as a great war story for those times when your children ask you, "And what did you do in the sexual revolution, Daddy?"

All reasonable questions--from fashion, food and drink, stereo and sports cars to dating problems, taste and etiquette--will be answered personally by the Advisor. Before you write, please review the Frequently Asked Questions, which includes answers to many common sexual questions. The most provocative, pertinent queries will be presented in the magazine and on this Web page each month. (To protect the privacy of our readers, names and e-mail addresses will not be printed).

Illustration by Peter Sato

Reprinted from Playboy, March 1981 Copyright ©1981 Playboy Enterprises, Inc. No part of this article may be produced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means--electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise--without the written permission of the copyright owner.

The Playboy Advisor

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