A collection of CyberWisdom

...should old acquaintaince be forgot...My last day is the 4th of October - not sure what'll happen to webwisdom...if possible I'll continue it at the new job...

1. "To be is to do" - Sartre

   "To do is to be" - Camus

   "Do be do be do" - Sinatra --->anonymous exisinatrialist

2. Successful system administration is a dictatorship, any other form is doomed to fail. --> Ray Suorsa

3. unix is an exponential algorithm with a seductively small constant. --> Scott Draves

4. The clarity and value of the installation notes is inversely proportional to the cost of the software. -->Jeff

5. There is no such thing as a secure machine, only good backups. -->Jeff

6. No right of private conversation was enumerated in the Constitution. I don't suppose it occurred to anyone at the time that it could be prevented. -- Whitfield Diffie, Sun Microsystems -->submitted by Mike

7. The passive voice is frowned upon by those of us who are in the know. -->Danfuzz

8. Unix -is- user friendly.. it's just picky about its friends. --> Heather

9. It's not how big it is, but how long it stays up... - from someone I can't remember talking about IBM PCs. Maybe. --->T H Choo

10. UNIX systems always run in one state or another. -- RISC/os (UMIPS) System Administrator's Guide -->Markus Stumpf

11. UNIX wizards do it with small modular tools. - From somewhere in netland...-->Phil Meyer

12. There are two kinds of people in this world; those who say there are two kinds of people and those who don't. --> Dan Georges

13. ...stupid users... (do they come in any other flavors?) (I want the replacement set) (Put a dime on their head and they will be worth a nickel)...--> Heather

14. Strange women lying in ponds is a basis for a rule of government. --> Albion

15. One keeps hearing reports of how company A or company X thought that putting a computer on every desk would raise productivity. In reality, productivity dropped. Computers will never be a mainstream productivity tool until the software intelligence is high enough to compensate for mainstream user intelligence. This, to me, is the main point behind HCI (Human Computer Interaction) research. It is also why Mosaic has been such a resounding success - you pretty much have to be illiterate to not be able to be a Mosaic user. Hats off to the NCSA development team! We need more effort in software to compensate for the user. This does not necessarily mean A.I. , as demonstrated by Mosaic. --> Jeff

16. "I haven't failed, I've found 10,000 ways that don't work." -Thomas Edison -->submitted by Kurt Overberg

17. VMS is a text adventure. If you win, you get to use Unix. -->Jay Carlson

18. "Profanity is the one language all programmers know well." - from somewhere out there ....--> A. Mallet

19. Modern times 3 great lies: 1. Check is in the mail 2. I love you 3. Windows NT will replace Unix

20. Those that can, do. Those that can't get patents. --->Adam

21. Never allow a loved one to stop you from drinking, as they were probably the reason you started in the first place

22. Q: How do you tell when a COBOL programmer's chair is level? A: He drools out of both sides of his mouth. ---Jonathan P. Bernick

23. Addendum to article 1: "Yabba Dabba Doo" -- F. Flintstone ---comet

24. Common sense is an oxymoron. ---Keith Hanson

25. For those whose minds lack option, profanity is often the first resort, not the last.---Doug Payton

26. The skill of accurate perception is called cynicism by those who don't possess it. ----Alan Millar

27. Fast. Powerful. User-friendly. Now choose any two. ---Eric Daniels

28. Law of programming: Constants aren't, variables won't Unknown source. ---C. hodgkinson

29. Great Spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds (or something like that) ---Albert Einstein [whited]

30. TO LIVE IS TO LIVE WITH THE FEELING OF LIFE ---KEVIN MEES

31. TO GO TO A SMALL EXPENSIVE SCHOOL IS LIKE LIVING IN A BOTTLE! ---KEVIN MEES

32. "You cannot pray to a personal computer no matter how user-friendly it is." -- W. Bingham Hunter----submitted by Jim Huggins

33. Clipper stands for: CLINTON'S LEAP INTO PRIVACY POACHING ENCRYPTION REGULATIONS ---Vince Cate

34. When laws become unjust, just men become outlaws. ---Vince Cate

35. If all else fails, REBOOT (Works almost every time)!---Debra L. Stacey

36. The 286 is destined to be a multiuser machine. No one person could use all of that power. -- Intel spokesman ----submitted by: Daniel Barnes

37. Wirth's Rule: Never store data in more than one place, sooner or later you will update one and not the other.---Dave Coleman

38. "The weather was foul, or perhaps, duck" - Quote from Spike Milligan ---submitted by Kevin Watson

39. Never turn away a disgruntled blonde user. ---Don Miller (helpdesk)

40. "If at first you don't succeed.....CHEAT!" ---Kevin Watson

41. The internet user is cyborg. The meshing of human and machine. Propositional logic is dead. The dialogue consists of point and click. True and false are no longer because the information is decontextualized and fragmented, the cyborg can only nod his head--that's just life on the net. ---Andy Gress

42. overheard at the local help desk: "no, sir... too many bic pens around your computer won't hurt it one bit." ---vampyr

43. Kill It Before It Dies!!! ---Michael Moore

44. "Through experiencing fear, one learns bravery."---Brian Albrecht

45. Congress spends like a drunk sailor. And that's unfair to the sailor for two reasons. The sailor spends his own money. And, eventually, he sobers-up. -- Richard M. Nixon (I think)---Jeff Prince

46. Do not ask the Yak. They never know the Way. ---Jon Green

47. Said of a user - He was a roadkill on the information super highway. ---Jim Parker

48. Live, love, and learn... As best as you can. ---Stephen H. Price

49. I smell a wumpus! -- Anonymous late-nite programmer suffering from caffeine withdrawal. ---Jeff Bromberger

50. Once a Junior Programmer interrupted a Great Guru of the Sun to ask a Question of no importance. ---Jon Green
51. The Great Guru replied in words which the Junior Programmer did not understand.---Jon Green
52. The Junior Programmer sought to rephrase the Question, saying, "Stop me if I appear stupid."---Jon Green
53. The great Guru, without speaking, reached over and pressed L1-A.---Jon Green
54. The Junior Programmer achieved Enlightenment.---Jon Green

55. Everything should be as simple as possible - but not simpler. - Albert Einstein ---submitted Simon Morris

56. Love is that condition in which another's happiness is essential to your own.---David Talley

57. I seached the world to find whats real, and when I found it I'd lost myself I'm not for real, man---Krister

58. *One wooden puppet to another, upon kissing* : Ouch! Love really is a many SPLINTERED thing...---rbailey

59. All sunshine makes a desert...Katherine Hintz. Out of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most... Do you study the law or do you study loopholes?...my mother.---submitted by jackie luongo

60. An engineer who can't write is just an overpaid technician.---Allen Atkins

61. "It's not a matter of mapping stars...it's the possibilities of existance" ---Q (All Good Things...- the final episode)
62. And Time, a maniac scattering dust,

    And Life, a fury slinging FLAME.

    Alfred, Lord Tennyson 1809-1892

63. --it was the one time of the year when we got to show up at THEIR doorstep and they tried to get ride of us.---James Welt [Coming from a neighborhood filled with Jehovah's Witnesses, my favorite holiday was always Halloween])

64. It has been shown that laboratory research causes cancer in rats.---Steve Dupree
65. If it wont fit... Use a bigger hammer !!!---Lars Steinke

66. Although some people say I am, I am not dum!!!---Devin Nix

67. Your FUTURE starts TODAY!---Sarah Escandor

68. Eternity is long... especially in the end.---Laurent "Agiel"

69. Given a symptom of a bug, check the least likely cause first.---Simon Morris

70. Q: How many computer programmers does it take to change a light bulb? A: Can't be done. It's a hardware problem.---Ralph B.

71. Any solution which fits all known facts can't be correct!---Jon Green

72. Fearlessly the idiot faced the crowd, smiling... -Pink Floyd ----submitted by Nate Lynch

73. OH SH*T You did it just like I told you ?---R. Goings

74. If you continuosly do something without messing up that just increases the odds that you will so why get it right to start with.---Patrick R.

75. "Dare to be stupid" - Weird Al Yankovic ---Dave Lowrey

76. I am I Don Quixote, the Lord of La Mancha. Let us not tarry, words have meaning, and with this meaning comes understanding. Therefore, I propose that all languages must be comprised of words. And, within these words there shall contain letters. These letters shall make up the words that make up the language. ---eric"the munk"

77. All games are built on prophecy. --Marian Helsby

78. Nigel gave the lamp a cautious buff and small smoking red letters appeared in the air. 'Hi,' Nigel read aloud, 'Do not put down the lamp because your custom is important to us. Please leave a wish after the tone and, very shortly, it will be our command. In the meantime, have a nice eternity.' from Terry Pratchett's Sourcery---submitted by Aaron Fuegi

79. In a mad world, only the mad are sane.---Aaron Fuegi

80. Damn I'm mad!---editor

81. "A coward dies a thousand deaths, a brave man only one. A thousand to one--that's good odds."----Beauregard Maverick---submitted by Mike Edmonds

82. Symbolic links is the Unix way of saying: Get Lost.---Moose J. Finklestein

83. If you love something, set it free. If it doesn't come back, hunt it down and kill it.---anonymous

84. Poetry conveys understanding without intellectual knowledge or understanding, only through the ability of man's intuition. . .---Darren Nolan-"Ye Cursed Man"

85. Horn busted! Watch for finger... ------- This saying blank to save space ------- I may not always be right, but I'm never in doubt. Bad spellurs uf the werld uniet!---Edward Kmett

86. To err is human to really foul up requires a computer---Marge Robbins

87. Life is full of decisions, but you never get to make any --Linus Van Pelt---submitted by Eric Alfred Burns
88. You have to know enough to know when the person that's supposed to know doesn't know.---George Chapek

89. Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.---Dave Heath

90. At our office it's only the computer who makes mistakes! (read when walking by the secretary-office at our University)---Rody Middelkoop
91. It is better to be a smart ass than a dumb ass.---Daniel Kaminsky

92. If you are involved in too many things, the only thing that you will excel at is being busy. ---Roland Gustafsson

93. A cat that jumps on a hot stove will never jump on a hot stove again.Neither will it jump on a cold stove.---Michael Cameron

94. REMEMBER! No matter where you go, there you are.---Doug Foss

95. I've seen scarier secret police agencies than his completely destroyed by a Czech hippie playwright with a manual typewriter. -- Bruce Sterling---submitted by Mike Fessler

96. Question - What is the definition of a constant Variable?

97. Hey?! what the hell happened to my file? -every computer user at one time or another.---GAVco.

98. Would Somebody PLEASE explain what the definition of a Contstant Variable is? -10th grade computer programming class...

99. This weatheradio station serving central Kansas has terminated normal programming, so that we can bring you the latest information on this tornadic situation. -- The only warning Dorothy got...---Ryan Tucker [rtucker@ins.infonet.net

100. WE DREAM TO WAKE TO LIFE---M A MCC

101. I don't mind anyone owning fire arms, just give me all the ammunition...---Sarrah

102. 'm a liberal, but I'm not naive enough to believe that I'm gonna stay that way---anonymous

103. "When Life Sucks, Suck LIfe!"---anonymous

104. "If at first you don't suceed, fail, fail again!" (Murphy/numerous college weed-out pamphlets)---Jon Williams

105. I've not yet begun to defile myself. (From the 1994 movie, Tombstone)---submitted by Lori Ann McAllester

106. "It's not an information superhighway. It's a maze of twisty little passages, all different, inhabited by MUD players." -- JQ Johnson; submitted by Richard Godard

107. No por mucho madrugar amanece mas temprano. ( Anonimo )

108. Sometimes I think the best proof of intelligent life in outer space is the fact they've never contacted us. -- Butter / Thomas quotes his thoughts.

109. On-Line? Hit ALT-H for a quick I.Q. test---Michael Alan Breen

110. If I were 7 feet tall IŽd be illegal in three states---Emil

111. resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve.---Mark Prabucki

112. God is dead. - Nietszche Nietszche is dead. - God ---Rob Laltrello

113. If everythings seems to be breaking down, it is the best time to pull yourself together.---MaRue

114. The Universe is just one of those things that happen from time to time. -- Alan Guth Good things come to those who wait. Crap arrives the fastest. -- Rich Hall talking about snail mail Nature doesn't give a damn what you think will happen. --My boss, on wierd things with Cosmology ---submitted by Mark Rickard

115. A mind is a terrible thing....---Ted

116. There are only two things to do with a problem: solve it, or eliminate the source.---James Carter, B.T. Washington High

117. If you will make the corrections that I have noted in red ink, I will consider this your preliminary paper and allow you to submit the final version next class. By the way, you owe me one red pen! ---Instructor, Howard University

118. Just because you're you doesn't mean I'm not. -Matt

119. Be who you are and not who you want to be. ---David Thompson

120. be careful who you hang out with because proximity breeds sensitivity---charisse jacobs

121. Wow! too munths ago I kuddent spel enjinear - now I are one!---Pookie

122. Sufficently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. -- Arthur Clarke Adequacy is sufficent. -- Adam Osborne

123. life is the living you do, death is the living you don't. ---wrosemond

124. Only in sleep is one immortal...unless you hit the ground at the bottom of the cliff.---Roadkill

125. Q: What do you get when you cross a crooked politician with a crooked lawyer? A: Chelsea------Marilyn

126. It's better to be late arriving than not to arrive at all...---McKenna Wentworth

127. "Object-oriented is a semantically overloaded term" - Peter Buneman

128. MIPS = 2 **(current_year - 1984) --- Bill Joy

129. THE ROAD TO HELL IS PAVED WITH POLITICIANS.---SIMPSON

130. Q: Why haven't any of us done anything latley? A: Because we've been too busy reading these stupid comments!

     The rule of all software: The ratio of how useless a software package really is is in direct porportion to the time spent on it. ---Tulsa University Student

131. "Imagination is more important than knowledge." - Albert Einstein---submitted by Rob Thacker

132. Law of Standards: The degree of adherence to standards and procedures is inversely proportional to the proximity of a deadline. ---J. David Alban

133. It's better to have it and not need it than to need it and not ot have it.

134. That which does not kill me can still hurt a lot.---eburgess

135. As a species, it is time to grow up. (Pat Shipman, paleoanthropologist and author)

136. The Golden Rule of Computers: "Computers do what they are told."

     Corrollary to the Golden Rule: "98% of all errors are human errors."

     Restatement of Corrollary: "Stupid is as stupid does, sir."

     ---Jeff K.

137. There is no freshness date on software; bits do not spontaneously decay. If it worked yesterday, but isn't working today, assume the Corrollary to the Golden Rule (see above). ---Jeff

138. It's not a good idea to have a coffee drinking contest. ---Shane

139. Don't worry - i have the perfect way to cure your split personality. Which one do you want me to shoot?---Sara

140. YOUR WORST DAY IS STILL TO COME---WINTER

141. if you don't want a power shut off, DO BACKUPS !!---mhalpern

142. UNIX is a terrible thing to mind...---pjs

143. Anything you are looking for will always be in the last place you look for it. --Piers Anthony

144. Life's a trip...not an ego one.---Joey Cato

145. Rigid flexibility... the key to indecision!!--Marc Peeper

146. For every person that believes there is an easy way out, there are one-hundred and one people waiting to stop them.---Mephisto

147. Favorite saying - Byte Me ;)---Jason Riley

148. Every moment is a golden one for him who has the vision to recognize it as such -- Henry Miller---submitted by Steve Polyak

149. "Labels are devices for saving talkative persons the trouble of thinking." --John Morley----submitted by christy "khaki" pardew

150. Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.---Richard

151. How do you know if your mission in life is complete? If your still alive, it isn't.---D.Sewell

152. Woman, Can't live with them ....... Pass the beer nuts ! Norm Peterson (cheers).

153. When things go wrong, don't go with them.---Colin and Mike

154. "I know you believe you understood what you think I said, but I am sure you realise that what you heard is not what I meant to say...Which is...You can do it anyway you want to as long as you do it my way first......!" -A Small Communication Problem.---Charles Hellawell

155. Information demands to be free for only mediocre people like censorship. Unfortunately, one can't be totally opposed to some form of censorship as personal feelings are always involved.---Tristan Louis

156. Breaking into the Pattern room just 'cause it's there is sillier than climbing Mount Everest just 'cause it's there, because Mount Everest doesn't have a gang of psychopathic millenaries who will chase you around and be upset at you for the rest of your very short life. -- Bernie H.

157. evans' first law of information: "Information flows uphill and against the wind to where it can do the most damage." (my dad in the '70's)---peter evans

158. History never repeats itself... Historian merely repeat each other...---Chet Anekwe

159. "It's like, at the end, there's this surprize quiz: am I proud of me? I gave my LIFE to become the person I am right now! Was it worth what I paid? -Richard Bach

160. Food, Food, glorious food! I weigh 325 pounds, and I love eating as you can see. I think everybody should be just like me! Fat, Fat, Fat!

161. The speed of the Web is inversly proportional to how many people you are demonstrating it to....---andrew blackburn

162. "If Music be the Food of Love ­ Logon!"---Henrietta Purcell

163. I think that I shall never see, A billboard as lovely as a tree. And if perchance that tree should fall, It will make a sound as it crushes your skull.---Ryan Biggs

164. Deep Thought: Every sound-minded individual who can justify his/her existance should obey rules of the abstract subjectivism!---Anton Lopatinsky

165. "If it doesn't fit, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway" ASUW Bike Shop