Sex and Love Addiction

This page is for those who are looking for help. There are hopes to overcome the obsessive/compulsive patterns. For you or your loved one.

Special note : Some of the content may reflect Editor's innevitable personal faith. However, the recovery is regardless of secular and/or religeous movements and controversy.

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Introduction to Sex and Love addiction

Sex and love is a very complicated issue in our life. And it constitutes the very important part of our beings. But it is so easy that we lose the sense of it because we experienced the lack or mistreatment of love from significant others during our formative years.

But the natural yelling of our inner hearts can not be depressed. We long to understand what the need of sex and love is and we long to connect to other human beings. However, our natural needs are distorted into addictive expressions.

What is obsessive/complusive behavior ? Just as drug and alcohol , one uses the substances or behaviors to get emotional payoff in the beginning. But more and more those substances and behaviors become a must in our daily life. We become slaves and they become masters. We know that we can not live without them. By this time we have crossed the hallmark and got into the regime of addiction.

Admitting that we are addicts is not easy. We always hope that we are controlling things that the emotional payoff can flow in continuously. But it is the first step of the recovery to admit the powerlessness of our wills. Some hit the bottom due to the unmanageability of their life. Some still struggle to maintain the outward consistency.

Here list some symptoms of sex and love addiction, this may be a good checklist for your mental well being:

After checking these symptoms closely, you may think that you yourself or your loved one is qualified as Sex and Love Addiction . Don't be afraid. More understanding is necessary in order to heal from this dysfunction. One ground breaking book is recommanded. It is very easy to read and the description is very neutral: 

Out of The Shadows
written by Patrick Carnes
Mimmeapolis, CompCare Publishers.
and also this book from view point of Christians : 
The Secret Sin : Healing the wounds of sexual addiction
Written by Mark R. Laaser, Ph.D.
Published by Zondervan Publishing House.
1992

Building blocks of sex and love addiction

There are three building blocks that sets the foundation of sex addiction :
Sexual Fantasy
Thinking about sex. Fantasizing is a very powerful tool to change our thinking. One obsessed with sex would be preoccupied by sexual fantasy 24 hours a day -- no matter what he(or she) is doing. Fantasizing creates the chemical for the pleasure center in our brain to make us feel good . As an addict, it finally has mind-altering effect and changes our thinking completely.
Pornography
Medium that excites the addicts sexually. Pornography often involves nudity, but nudity is not necessary for one to have fantasy. Anything that excites the fantasy and serves as a medium for further sexual acting out is called pornography for that person. One has to define his own pornography according to his specific acting out patterns.
Masturbation
Having sex with oneself. Masturbation is probably a most problematic behavior that confuses almost all men and some women. Even though sex high brings us excitements, there are guilt and shame in the aftermath of masturbation. Masturbation is an expression of self-love, but often is expressed when we are not actually loved by others. It is also an expression of loneness, the kind of loneness deeply rooted in our heart. Masturbation is not condemned, but addicts use masturbation to cover up their true feelings. They never learned how to face their feelings and resolve them in a healthy way. Masturbation only makes one feel good temporarily , it doesn't solve the real problems.

Love addiction

Under construction. See also 
Love Gone Wrong
by Tomas A. Whiteman and Randy Peterson
Tomas Nelson Publishers.
Nashville, Tennesee.

Other forms of sex and love adiction

Washington D.C.

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